Reflection
by colormerainbows21
Summary: An experience with the SVU from the point of view of rape victim and survivor Alodie Baker now that she's reached adulthood. She recounts her journey and how Olivia Benson showed her her true Reflection from the inside out.


** A/N: So I had this in my head after writing a chapter for Tainted Hearts. I had no intention of starting anything new right away, but this wouldn't leave me alone til I got it out. It's a one shot based off of Christina Aguilera's "Reflection" from the point of view of a rape victim and has nothing to do with my other story. Reviews are always welcomed.**

__Alodie Baker froze in her spot on the couch, becoming entranced by the images on the TV. She had been flipping channels but stopped cold when she saw Detective Olivia Benson on the screen during a news break. She must have been on for coverage on a special case. She wasn't sure, but that's what she guessed. She remembered Benson very well, and was shocked to see her even if it was only through a TV screen, after all these years had gone by.

As a child, she had been that kid that nobody wanted to be, nobody wanted to have in their own family or circle, but that everybody heard about. She had been one of the many victims of rape in the city of New York. And the assault had been at the hands of her own uncle. Still, years later and now an adult, she couldn't believe how incredibly mind blowing and fucked up it all was. "It all" being reference to her life. Olivia Benson had been her saviour without knowing it; the only one who had believed her.

_"YEAH? You know what?! You can go FUCK yourself Weston! SERIOUSLY I'm beyond done!"_

_Curling further down under the covers of her bed, the little girl knew without a shadow of a doubt that her parents were fighting again. Mommy was yelling at Daddy the way she always did when there was no money, food or when Daddy thought she was using drugs again. She couldn't always make out the words that were said, but she knew by the tones of their voices and the anger vibrating off the paper thin walls, when things were bad. _

_ Surprisingly, Mommy rarely hit her. Sometimes though she wished she would. The pain of a hit would go away faster than the hurt of any words she said to her. She didn't understand why her Mommy was like that. Always making her or Daddy feel like they were doing something wrong. Making her hate herself. Making her want to run away. She couldn't run away, she knew that. Mommy was still nice sometimes, and she tried to focus on that when things got bad. There was always Daddy. He was the best Daddy anyone could have. When Mommy yelled or said mean things, he always waited until she wasn't watching or couldn't hear to tell her it wasn't her fault or sneak a loving touch or embrace. He called her "His Allie Girl." Mommy was the only one who called her Alodie. She hated her stupid name and the way Mommy said it. It made her feel ugly, hated. _

_ Days after they fought, Mommy was always nice. Too nice. Calling her baby and sugar and princess with such fake sweetness and attempt at warmth that it made her want to puke. Days after this fight was no exception. Mommy walked in her room to wake her, fake sincerity dripping from her voice._

_ "Alodie, baby. Wake up sugar. You're going to Uncle Hector's house today!" she had such a fake smile on her face. Did they think she was stupid?_

_ "What if I don't wanna go to Uncle Hector's?" she wasn't in the mood for Mommy's games. _

_ Mommy let out a fake laugh, obviously trying to hold her anger in check and keep up the fake niceness. "Of course you want to go to Uncle Hector's, princess. It's cousin Vinny's birthday today!" _

_ She could care less. She hated Vinny. He was older than her, but always mean to her and treating her like she didn't know anything. No matter what she said or did, Mommy was going to make her go to Hector's and there was no stopping it. She dropped her off, not dropping the nicey-nicey act for one second, and said she'd be back in a couple of hours. But she didn't come back then, and that's when the nightmare began. _

_ At first, everything had been going fine; rather, as well as could be expected since she hated to be there in the first place. Vinny surprised her by keeping his meanness to a minimum. He was probably just in a good mood because it was his birthday and he couldn't do anything wrong today with everyone fussing over him. It was when the sun started to go down, that she started to worry. Mommy had said she would be back in a couple of hours and she knew it had been much longer than that by now. What if something happened to her? Sometimes she hated her, sometimes she hated everything, but she was still her Mommy and she only had one. The thought of something happening to Mommy made her want to cry, so she sat in a corner, curled up in a ball and sobbed while the rest of the world went on around her blind to her feelings or thoughts. She stayed like that for what felt like a long time, and eventually fell asleep. When she woke up, she noticed it was really dark. Mommy still wasn't there, neither was Daddy, and the atmosphere in the house had shifted. Vinny was nowhere in sight, but Uncle Hector was drinking something, and he was loud. Waving his arms around like a crazy person. She really wanted her Mommy, so she found her voice._

_ "Uncle Hector, where's Mommy and Daddy?"_

_ "Shut up you little shit. Do you see them anywhere?!"_

_ "No." She held back her emotions, not wanting to be weak. "They said they would pick me up."_

_ "I told you, shut the fuck up!" Uncle Hector wasn't the friendliest when he was sober, but he was worse when he drank. It's why Aunt Rita had left him. _

_ "You shut up! You have to call Mommy!"_

_ He had become incredibly angry. Probably mostly because of being drunk. He had ranted and raved as he picked her up over his shoulder, and carried her up to their spare bedroom. After that moment, the rest were memories she had tried to will away, block out, erase. Her innocence had been taken from her, by someone she was told and made to believe she could trust._

_ After it had happened, she had cried out of fear, hurt and anger. She sat in her corner again, not saying a single word. Hector must have called Mommy then, because she appeared seemingly out of nowhere and in one of her mean moods again not caring why her daughter had tear stains on her face._

_ "Alodie, let's go!" She said harshly, pulling her up by the hand and leading her out the door to the car without a word to uncle Hector. _

_ The drive home had been silent, all of her energy depleted. She had fallen asleep, but had been jerked roughly awake when the car pulled to a screeching halt in their driveway. Knowing enough not to say anything when her mother got in moods like this, even at her young age, she unbuckled her seatbelt, climbed out of the car and headed upstairs to get herself into bed. It took her hours of staring at the ceiling, replaying everything and nothing in her head, before she finally dozed off into a fitful sleep. _

_ Night passed and gave way to morning, Alodie had been awake as the first hints of daylight hit her windowpane. She could hear her mother or father, she was unsure which, bustling about in the kitchen. Getting up, she knew she had to recount to one or both of them what was weighing so heavily on her mind and heart._

_ Sitting down wordlessly at the kitchen table, she began to eat when Mommy took it upon herself to bring her a bowl of cereal. All was silent except for the crunching of the flakes she heard, louder than anything, in her ears. _

_ "Mommy, uncle Hector hurt me. Yesterday, he did things an uncle isn't supposed to do." she said this with more courage than her young heart felt, after finishing her bite of food._

_ "What? Uncle Hector would never do something to hurt you, don't make up stories."_

_ "I'm not making anything up, Mommy. I promise. He hurt me, and I wanted to tell you but you weren't there to help me."_

"Oh, so now it's my fault?! Alodie May don't you ever say something like that to me, do you hear me? Get ready for school before you miss the bus!" 

_ She had willed herself not to cry, knowing she had to be strong beyond her years, and gone and gotten ready for her school day. Usually a social butterfly away from home, she sat quiet and alone on the bus, and spoke to none of her peers during class. _

_ The only person she spoke to that day, was Ms. Mabel, her teacher, during lunch away from all the hustle and bustle of the other kids. She was smart, and she knew what had happened wasn't right. She'd recounted the same thing to Ms Mabel, as she had to her mother only this time, there were no mean comments, no remarks disputing her story, but rather reassurance that she'd done the right thing by saying something. After lunch, Ms Mabel pulled her out into the hall, where she saw another lady next to her. This lady was very pretty, with shoulder length brown hair, dark skin, and dark eyes. She was wearing a uniform, which probably meant that she was important. She didn't seem scary, she actually had a smile on her face. _

_ Kneeling down, the older woman got on eye level with the young girl and spoke._

"_You're Alodie, right?"_

_ "Uh huh."_

_ "I'm detective Benson. But you can call me Olivia, okay?"_

She nodded. 

_ "I'm just here to help you. Ms Mabel says that you told her somebody hurt you. You know it's not okay for people to hurt you, right?"_

She nodded again.

_ "Can you tell me what happened?"_

_ "My uncle Hector hurt me. He did things he wasn't supposed to do."_

"Uh huh, and when was this?"

_ "At my cousin's birthday, yesterday."_

_ "And you came to school today?"_

_ "Mommy said I had to."_

_ "Does Mommy know what happened?"_

_ "I told her, but she didn't believe me. She said Uncle Hector wouldn't do that, and that I had to come to school."_

_Olivia maintained her composure, but her heart was breaking hearing the girl's recollections._

_ "Can you tell me what Uncle Hector did?"_

_ She cast her eyes downwards and spoke._

_ "He did what Mommies and Daddies do when they love each other. He called it hanky-panky."_

_ Seeing how uncomfortable Alodie was, she couldn't press her to give a more detailed account than that at the moment._

_ "Was anybody else there when hanky-panky happened?"  
_

_ "My cousin Vinny, but I think he was sleeping. I didn't see him." _

_ "Okay honey, I'm a detective so I'm gonna try to help you okay? I'm gonna try to make your Mommy believe what happened to you and stop Uncle Hector from ever doing this to you or anyone again. Would that be okay? You want that, right?"_

_ The young girl nodded and smiled slightly, and Olivia smiled back._

That had been years ago, and Olivia Benson had held a special place in her heart ever since. Her parents never believed what happened to her. She believed her father had. Daddy loved her, but he took her mother's side out of fear. She had been taken out of their home and placed in foster care when it became apparent to the police her mother was using drugs and emotionally abusing her child. Eventually, she'd been placed with an adoptive family. They were good people, but being stripped of the privilege to have good, biological parents had a forever lasting affect on you. Alodie was no exception. As for Uncle Hector and the rape, because she had showered and changed her clothes right after it happened when she'd gotten home that night, they didn't have much to go on in terms of a rape kit. Being so young at the time, all she'd wanted was to wash away the ugly memory and be clean again. It had basically been her word against Hector's, but he surprisingly admitted he had done it. He had gotten time, but not enough, in her opinion.

He was now free to walk, while she as an adult was still dealing in some way with what had happened to her and her childhood being ripped away. Time didn't heal wounds, but if you worked to heal yourself in the time that went by after a tragedy, things could slowly piece together and that's what she had been doing, or trying to do. When she woke up in the morning, some days she felt strong, confident and self assured that she wouldn't let anyone bring her down again. Other days, she wanted to wallow in self pity because she wondered why her reflection seemed to be someone she didn't know or understand. One thing was for sure, she had learned that no matter what any given day brought or how she felt when it came, there would be no secrets with others or herself.

Olivia Benson had been the one person who had been there in her time of need, her Earth Angel, as she still liked to call her, showing her how to live again and do it right even on the days it wasn't okay. Showing her that if you wore a mask, you could fool the world, but you couldn't fool your heart.

Olivia Benson, had shown her a true reflection of herself, one that was a work in progress.

Alodie Baker would never be perfect, and now years later that was okay because her reflection showed the strength of who she was on the inside._  
_


End file.
